Oh, how I need this… Why is vacation so stressful, and NOT relaxing? Ok, don’t get me wrong, I really, truly enjoyed my time in the Blue Mountains (pictures to come!), it was wonderful to get out of the Hills districts and see what Oz has to offer… but still, I came away from break feeling more stressed out & anxious than I did when it began!

I do love being able to travel. I love living out of a suitcase… it took me 3 months to finally unpack my bags here, because I love the feeling of being able to jet off to any part of the world in an instant… I think these past 5 months have been the longest I haven’t traveled via airplane… But once I have settled into a routine, it’s hard to leave it!

Anyways! I feel at home here now… I am surrounded by amazing people, I have the privilege of attending and working at one of the most influential and well-know churches in the world… So, what’s my deal? Why can’t I relax and rest?

Is it because I am still struggling with surrendering my life? I look at it this way:

I’m a puzzle. A big, 1000 piece puzzle that is strewn all over the floor… My Creator is putting me together piece by piece, but I as the puzzle, thinks that I’m able to complete myself without the help of the Puzzlemaker! I’m the little pieces that are hiding under the sofa, and behind the floorlamp, trying to survive all on my own…

Oh, dear... Well, when it comes 'Vila' I am working on that. I'm gonna try to take a breather & enjoy my week.
And trust? That is between God & I... and we are getting there!
Xoxo

Over this past weekend I have been really melancholy, and depressed all because of a stupid thing called:
I am currently living half-way across the world from the security and love that family and friends provide. I am so thankful for this experience, and I know that I am here for a reason, but it is so difficult to give all control over to God, and to trust him with everything… everything!

I know that my being in Oz is the first step of many that God has in store for me - but nevertheless, it is so hard being so vulnerable.


I’m still trying to figure this out… because for SOME reason, I still think I know what I want and what I need more than the Creator of the Universe! Which is bull by the way…

Anyways, my being here in Australia is am amazing opportunity but definitely God’s choice to make sure that I rely on him over anything, or anyone else.

In the car on my way to my performance this morning, I knew that there was something missing. That despair that I was feeling all weekend was not from Christ . So, right then, I was led to this lovely verse:

The entire time that I was worrying about how I was going to make ends meet, or how I was going to get a job etc. God was not a part of it. I was focusing more on me, myself, and I. Pathetic right?

God is good. God is great. God will never, EVER fail us.

I am still weak, and vulnerable, but I serve an awesome, loving, and capable God who has me in his hands.

I am so sorry that I have been so bad at updating you with pictures and stories... I promise that they will be coming in abundance... But please be patient with me!
Here are a few images of the past month or so... Something to keep you coming back for more!

So, today is the anniversary of the death of my mentor and friend, Kaye Hirsh...
Kaye was a Proverbs 31 woman... She was an amazing mother, wife, mentor, friend, church leader, & woman of God...

Someone asked me the other day what I have been struggling with, and what they could be praying for... And I decided to share this with you, because I feel like it's something that many people have issues with, and that it's something that Satan uses to tear us down, especially when we are in great situations...

Recently I've really struggling with insecurity... It's been an issue in many areas in my life...

1. There are so many amazing believers here, who already know where they are going, and what they are doing beyond their years here. I know that I am here for a reason, and I know God's in control. Even though parts of me may doubt it, I know that He has a huge, amazing plan for my future... The majority of the students here are from very Petecostal churches, and for me, growing up in a Baptist church... that's a little bit of a shock! It's not too bad though... but there are still a few areas that I am really being stretched in, thank God!

2. I am surrounded by gorgeous, skinny beach girls who are pretty much here to snag a husband. For those of you who know me well, you know that is NOT the reason why I'm here! But it is difficult being around so many beautiful girls... I have struggled with body image, but it's something that I tried to leave behind me back in the US... But the biggest struggle with this one, is a cultural thing. They don't put much weight into modesty here. I grew up in a family, and church that encouraged girls and women to be modest in order to help build up our Brothers, but here, wearing a skimpy bikini, and micro-mini skirts is normal! I'm one who loves trendy clothing, but I've worked it out so that I can be trendy and modest at the same time... I don't know... I could go on for hours on this topic...

3. Then there's my insecurity when it comes to music. I never had formal music training, and have never been much of a songwriter... So, thankfully I'm getting a bit of that, but I still don't believe that music performance, worship leading etc. is necessarily where God's got me going...

So, your prayers would be greatly appreciated! I am really enjoying my time here... I'm growing as both an individual, and as a believer... and I cannot wait to see what God has in store next!

Well, I was digging through the archives of past blogs the other day and found this little post that is still very relevant...
I'm at chris and kelly's right now watching the kids...at the moment there is peace in the house, you would never guess that WWIII was about ready to break out about a 1/2 an hour ago...

but after sitting the kids down for time-out's i got a HUGE hug from james...and that brought to mind the book i just finished reading called 'the official hugs book' it goes into a deep (but hilarious) discussion on the different types of hugs and the way you can use a hug.

for those who don't know...i love hugs!

if i had a terrible day at work...give me a hug!

if i just completed the worst course at school...EVER!!! give me a hug!

if i blew it...hug me!

if you see me...GIVE ME A HUG!!!

hugs are healing, hugs are comforting, hugs mean more to me than anything you can think of!

please...hug me...